WOW! Have you ever been speechless? For those of you who know me, you know it rarely happens to me....but that's where I am at right now. I don't even know where to begin at this point.

Has there ever been a situation in your life that you knew was the beginning of the end and something inside of you knew you should walk away from it? Knew that no matter what was being said or done or the pretty words people were using were really not real or even close to bringing healing or closure? But you stayed because part of you needed what was there and would miss it?

So that is where I'm at I really don't believe that everyone means the words they are saying, nor do I believe that there is true forgiveness going on. You can still hear the bitterness in the replys and words. So even though the words are pretty the way they are being thrown around is ugly and the emotions and attitudes behind them are not healthy.

The other part of me wants to stay because it meets a need in my life. My life is not easy to understand. Very few people get the submarine force and our way of life.....sometimes it baffles me. Then add the fact that I am a Christian and you have even less people who understand me.

So I will do nothing until God tells me too...because if I walk away and its His will He will meet the need of fellowship and support.....one that is not a struggle to be a part of, one where there is no underlying strain...despite what is on the surface.