Friday, June 27, 2008

Sad Goodbye

Have you ever had something in your life that you know God brought to you, but after a while you knew its season in your life was over? That it was no longer affective or functioning as it was meant to and that God wanted you out before it was too late?

I have had two such experiences in my life. The first being Grace Christian Academy. God knew it was time for the madness to stop there and before He allowed them to close be made a way for my family and blessed me with a job where I was making twice as much an hour....I got the final word that I was hired on the exact day Grace closed its doors. On that day I was so thankful that God had made a way for me.....even though I didn't want to leave. I loved working there....but things were not right....and I knew I had to get out.

Recently, I had to make the decision to leave a forum that was a blessing to me. We saw each other through surgeries, biopsies, death, deployment, parenting, and a host of other situations and emotions submarine wives find themselves in.

But unfortunately, it turned into a place of power for some, a place to pick fights and arguments for others. Some used it to gather information and use that information in other forums or for their own personal use. There were divisions and strife that some members were content to feed and allow to continue. Others wanted to listen to what others had to say, offer their advice....but never share anything REAL about themselves. Some didn't have anything to say for the almost the whole year I was there...until there were arguments...then they wanted to be in the thick of it.

Now....let me say there were also some stellar ladies there....ladies of true faith, who love the Lord, and have the ability to be real. This is the reason I did not want to leave...these ladies added something invaluable to my life...and I did not want to release that. But in the fashion that is all Him...God made a way for these wonderful ladies to be in my life.

I struggled for a long time.....I didn't want to leave. I struggled before the big blow out that was there....because I didn't agree with how things were done. I believe in order and doing things decently and in order...I don't do well with chaos...that's just me. But I had hoped things would get better...they never did. EVEN after everyone was "supposedly" honest about what was going I deleted my membership.

It was sad and when I log onto the site I automatically scroll to where the link from that forum is supposed to be....but its gone...*sigh* I am sad but I know it was for my own good because it was no longer a healthy thing in my life.


Miss Hope said...

Sorry I haven't been around much to keep up with you.

I am in turmoil over the whole forum deal also. I feel like I showed up for church one day and it wasn't there anymore. Something else was in its place and it just hasn't felt right since. I'm like you. This place has seen me through so much in my life...I am scared to let it go. Please pray for me. Pray that I find the strength to do His hit the Goodbye button...or....

P.S. You're not getting rid of this sister! Quite a few of you I'm hanging onto with both hands!

Melinda said...

I said those words to Conan, that it wasn't a healthy place for me anymore. I miss what used to be - but hopefully after my batteries have been recharged we'll be able to set about making a place that will far surpass our memories of what we had.

Dani said...

Jill - you will be missed. I completely understand doing what God is leading you to do. I enjoy coming here and reading your insights into life and just the stories that come out of your life. Change is always tough ... but often for the best. God Bless!

Mellie said...

And for me, it is a constant reminder of my failure. I worked so hard to do God's will there, but I wasn't able to make it the refuge it should have been. Without the prayers from everyone there, I don't know what Trent or I would have done on those dark days, and it hurt my heart to think it wasn't a place I could share anymore. For me, it's not so much sad, but I can't find the right word for the emotion.

Mrs. Em said...

Heartbreaking. That's what it's been for me. Two years of my life just...gone. But, I'm thinking of it now as God closing a door and opening a window. Something new is coming out of this.