Saturday, May 30, 2009

I Don't Think I Can Do This....

I can't breathe...I can't do this.

How am I suppose to sit in the stands and listen to them call her name next Saturday, listing all her accomplishments, and watch her walk across the stage and accept her diploma? How am I suppose to sit there and watch her?

I remember like it was yesterday....searching for the right school for her, teaching her to write her name, shopping for her first school back pack, first lunch box.....dressing her for the first day of school.... I remember 9 years later laying in my bed crying and praying about her starting public high school....and now I have blinked and it is over...she will graduate.

The past couple of months...well actually since OJ and Darius (get back to Darius in a minute) graduated last year Britt has been able to take me to levels of frustration that have mostly (smile) kept the unbreathable moments that I have experienced this week at bay. The lack of energy put into applying for scholarships, her dogged determination to decline the full ride scholarship, the lack of mathematical abilities when considering her future...and lets not even go into the 7 months it has taken her to get her room clean.

But today as I am planning out what I have to do this week to get ready for my parents arrival and the graduation I can no longer put off the onslaught of emotions that I am feeling...what really doesn't help is that Rick is not here to hold me through it.

Darius....yes...he is not helping me any see he is going into the Air Force and I have to say good bye to him if you pass me on the street and I am crying uncontrollably anytime in the next two will know why!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

AHAHAHAHAH Attack of the CheerQueen

OK....friends...those of you who have been following along for a while know that I have not been particularly fond of cheerleaders...since high school....and that both of my daughters are cheerleaders....and that I call Britt's the CheerQueen.

Well I thought the cheerness would come down several notches when Britt graduated from high school and was no longer on the cheer squad. However, she has just accepted a job as an assistant Cheerleading coach for her old high the cheerness will continue on....


I have been listening to the Mary Mary Mary The Sound CD and there is a song that has really ministered to me on there. Superfriend. It talks about how friends will always let you down...well....lets face it because we are human:) But there is one friend who will never let you down and He has already paid the price for your freedom....that's what I call a SUPERFRIEND.

I want to clarify that some of our friends don't let us down on purpose...because real friends don't do it as a conscious thought...and sometime they don't even know they have done it. You may realllllyyyyy need a friend, so you call them up...and maybe themselves are having a bad when they respond to you they are responding from their current position or funk....without thinking that you may reallllyyyy need them right then. This doesn't make them a bad makes them human.

So this is what happened to me this week. I got some news that I didn't want to hear I was hoping would be other than it was and there are few people outside of my husband I would have shared the news with. So I called one and for whatever reason she was funky and busy so I just told her to call me when she had a chance....then I cried and talked to Jesus all the way home in rush hour traffic.

So here's the deal.....and I am not saying we should have low standards concerning our friends or that we should expect the worse from them. But when they don't meet the friendship need for that moment we need to remember that our friends here on earth are human and have bad days. We need to remember that we have a friend that is better than anyone here on who has given more than humanly possible...

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

My Crown....

The way my day has gone....or rather part of my week.....causes me to think that God has a super crown for me in heaven. This crown will be so large and ginormous that when it is placed on my head that I need someones help hold it on my head...kind of like they did for Moses arms during battle......

Let us begin....let's see....last week when the brakes went out on my truck AGAIN!!! I completely bi passed the service department and asked for a manager when the customer service rep answered the phone. I figured that I would just cut to the chase and talk to them, since that's where I was going to end up in the long run anyway.

I have to give a shout out to James at Tony Nissan...because he has taken pretty good care of me and my brake issue. He is smart enough (unlike the other customer service people) to look and see if I had an extended warranty. So my truck has been in the shop since last Monday. James called me Friday afternoon to tell me that they parts weren't in yet so they would have to keep it through weekend. My first thought biggie...Rick is gone and I'll just drive his and the kids fit. WRONG I forgot Sheila and Obie are out of town and Jojo is staying with us. After a few trips with all the darlings I called Sheila and got her truck.

Here it is Wednesday and I still don't have my truck...hopefully tomorrow.;

Did I mention Rick is gone? Yes, he is and we are praying he will be here graduation day...praying hard. Anyway he is gone and I stuck driving the short bus of people who live/are staying with us. I am the one soley responsible for making sure that Princess has all of her pictures and invitations, I am the one responsible for making sure they get to the people they are intended for, for finding princess a white dress for grad day, for getting the parking passes, for making sure the mess in the girls rooms and bathroom finally get cleaned up, making sure Zachary, Becca, Josiah, Joshua, and Princesses final projects are all finally completed and handed in......that my friends is a small glimpse into what i am responsible for this week....

Now let me get to the jewels that will be in my crown......

Josiah first of all "forgetting"to wear deodorant to the church picnic Monday and then coming to me Tuesday morning, asking me where "the"deodorant was. Dude its not like the toothpaste we DON"T share deodorant.....

Then Jojo coming to me ten minutes before we are suppose to walk out the door this morning asking me, "What am I suppose to wear?" Ummmm...clothes...his response, "They are all dirty!" I told him he better dig around in Joshua's drawers and find something....otherwise he would be wearing a cute pair of my capri's or a dress!!!

Today Becca and Jojo make cookies for Jojo's final project....and them coming out thinner than toilet paper..and tasting much like used toilet paper. So Josh and Jojo start over and make another batch...which Jojo just informed us he would not eat if it was the last food on earth.

Oh,but wait there's more....Joshua asking me to take his uniform to the cleaners....three times...and never bringing it to me....

Zach getting sick Friday at school and Josh being sick since Sunday morning....

To top it all off....I am totally bummed because I called the Director at the job I wanted and she told me that she was really really sorry, she wanted to hire me but she had to choose the internal employee. She did say that she flagged my resume and sent it to the other directors for positions that will becoming available very soon because I would be an asset to the organization...sigh... I cannot tell a lie I cried all the way home... I really wanted that job. I told God that I was being a brat crying about it because for all I know He could have a much better position waiting for me.....but that I just needed to cry.

I think I needed to cry to let off some of the pressure building inside. I reminded myself all day that God has already made a way, and that I should Fear not, only believe. In my heart I do.....I just needed to let go of some of the gaseous emotional built up inside of myself.

I am thankful for my friends who were there for me today ( I only told two people...but some others were there for me without even knowing what was going on) and I pray for their crowns and promise to help them hold them up if need be:)

Thursday, May 21, 2009

God appointment.....

Have you ever had one of those times when you knew at that exact moment you were at the exact place where God had ordained you to be?

I had one of those moments today, while working on the Navy Respite Care project. I went to the home of a wonderful young women who is full or strength and faith. She has two beautiful little boys who are both children with exceptional needs...which really is ok... because she is an EXCEPTIONAL mom...ordained by God to minister to His two angels here on earth.

She went into the meeting with the thought that the whole respite care process was going to be lengthy and it would be some time before she would be able to receive in home care....and be able to take a break and pour back into herself...because as a Navy spouse and a mom she quite oftRemove Formatting from selectionen pours out more than is even physically possible to ever pour back in. (can I get an amen on that one...we are all guilty of doing that).

However, after the meeting she was amazed that she would be able to receive care immediately and at that moment she was able to release all the stress and pent up emotion of her children's medical struggles and diagnosis, as well as, the strain of being a military spouse. I was able to (hopefully) encourage her and let her,let it out.

I am thankful to God for allowing me to be the vessel that brought such a blessing into her life and I pray that this project is able to help many more like her.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Practicing What You Preach

I’m trying to practice what I preach… I REALLY am:)

Here’s the deal I am speaking this Saturday at our church’s annual Mothers Day conference. I had my outline all finished and handed in, the title “Being a Women of Godly Influence”. That’s a pretty solid and interesting topic and I thought I was ready.

So Monday and Tuesday morning I woke up crying and praying. I knew I was off somewhere in my walk with God I just couldn’t figure it out. So I was ironing Tuesday morning and it hit me….I had lost my trust in God. How did that happen? How does someone who has been walking with God for as many years as I have lose their trust in God?

Well, it was one of those slow processes…so slow that you don’t even realize and would never imagine it happening. I could see how it could happen if suffered a devastating loss or disappointment. But it was not that. It seems that over the past several years I have allowed the small disappointments to pull me away from trusting God and pushed me to relying on my own understanding…..yes you all know where that got me…..further away from God.

At some point fear and anxiety replaced trust and faith. I have spent the last two years waking up with my heart beating a mile a minute with fear of what disappointment would come my way. The disappointments I faced were not huge…the GeoBatch tour was awful, but we survived. The adjustable mortgage which almost caused us to lose our house was painful, but God fixed it and make it affixed rate and is working on getting us a lower rate.

The hysterectomy was no biggie, I was just disappointed that my husband had to leave less than two weeks afterwards. AND that my business partner did not take into consideration the fact that I had just had major life changing surgery when we went to work at the preschool.

I think the preschool process is what did it to me….beginning in 2005 we stumbled and fumbled through one faith test after another, until we finally opened in 2008. Had I stayed at my job where I was making good money I would not have gone through the financial difficulties I did…but I left in what I thought was faith.

From the time we opened there was strain and stress over the finances of the school. And today over a year later the school is still struggling. Even in this God made a way for me to leave and He gave me a job that pays well and that I really enjoy. He is an awesome God!!!

So, you see I allowed the disappointments of life to wear at my faith and trust in God until it was so weak that I allowed it to fail at every turn…I did not trust God completely as I should have. Instead I relied on my own methods of economics and math, I relied on what I thought I had to get our family out of the financial mess we were in…EVEN though I had seen God destroy the debt in our lives before…I chose to rely on my own understanding because of fear and doubt.

I had to change my message to “Misplaced Distrust” What happens when distrust becomes part of your relationship with God?

So….I am trying to practice what I preach…I have applied for four jobs in the past week (I love my current job….but I can make so much more and be in a position where advancement is available, unlike my current job) I have to trust that if God has designed for me to have these positions, the door will be wide open and I will walk through.

For those of you who won’t be there Saturday….you just received an over view of my message…..for those of you who will….pray for me and make sure you come hear what God has done in meJ

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

30 days.....720 hours

I am a 30 days ....almost exactly 720 hours from this very moment I will be sitting in Aloha Stadium crying my eyes out as my oldest takes that walk from her seat, across the stage, and accepts her high school diploma. I am crying right am I going to pull this off without being a blubbering fool?

Where is the baby girl I brought home? She has turned into an amazing woman...who will go to her senior prom this Saturday, and has accepted the full ride Presidential Scholarship from Hawaii Pacific University. I cannot believe it.

Two days later my youngest daughter will graduate from 8th grade and move on to high school....where does time go? She is unbelievable...a treasure.

Joshua is going to his first high school sports banquet and has been at practice faithfully since February for the fall season. His determination is to be respected and recognized.

Zach will graduate from 6th grade next year...and move on to Middle School......but he promises he will live with me forever.....

Six Favorite Things

These are the rules:
1. Mentioned who tagged you.2.
List six unimportant things that make you happy.
3. Tag six more blogs, then go and comment on their blogs. Let them know that have been challenged, and invite them to play along.

Shari mentioned me in her six favorite things and tagged me:)

Six of my Favorite Things:

1. The comfortable silence of dawn...when it's just me and God.

2. Camping....waking up to the sound of the ocean.

3. My husband

4. My "family" natural, spiritual, and military.

5. I LOVE to read....I read so much I forget what books I have read and sometimes buy the same one without realizing it:)

6. GOOD chocolate.

That's my six favorite here are the 6 blogs I choose:)

My Family