I can't breathe...I can't do this.
How am I suppose to sit in the stands and listen to them call her name next Saturday, listing all her accomplishments, and watch her walk across the stage and accept her diploma? How am I suppose to sit there and watch her?
I remember like it was yesterday....searching for the right school for her, teaching her to write her name, shopping for her first school back pack, first lunch box.....dressing her for the first day of school.... I remember 9 years later laying in my bed crying and praying about her starting public high school....and now I have blinked and it is over...she will graduate.
The past couple of months...well actually since OJ and Darius (get back to Darius in a minute) graduated last year Britt has been able to take me to levels of frustration that have mostly (smile) kept the unbreathable moments that I have experienced this week at bay. The lack of energy put into applying for scholarships, her dogged determination to decline the full ride scholarship, the lack of mathematical abilities when considering her future...and lets not even go into the 7 months it has taken her to get her room clean.
But today as I am planning out what I have to do this week to get ready for my parents arrival and the graduation I can no longer put off the onslaught of emotions that I am feeling...what really doesn't help is that Rick is not here to hold me through it.
Darius....yes...he is not helping me any either....you see he is going into the Air Force and I have to say good bye to him tomorrow.....so if you pass me on the street and I am crying uncontrollably anytime in the next two weeks....you will know why!