Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Being Quiet........

Well...the whole quick to hear and slow to speak thing went really well yesterday...thank God. In my being quiet I was even able to hear a few things that God wanted to say to me...isn't it amazing what can happen we we be quiet before the Lord?

Now.......it was a success....but it was not without its trials......There was a point early in the day that the comments were right there...bubbling to surface .....but thank God for the Holy Ghost because in keeping them back I was able to have a good talk with a good friend.

Because I chose to listed with a spiritual ear instead of a frustrated fleshly ear.....I was able to minister to her and her to me.....we share a common problem...between us 9 kids.....all but four of them old enough to know better. The conversation strengthened our bond. However, had I listened to my flesh and allowed the frustration to talk it could have been very bad....you remember what they say about assumptions.....well my flesh wanted assume the reason for her lack of communication early in the day.....But thank God I kept my trap shut and my emotions under submission to the spirit.

I am still struggling with something that happened later in the day...in keeping my mouth shut or my fingers still...its an online thing. I want to respond to the dig...because I am assuming its personal....but it may not be....so I will be quiet until the Lord tells me otherwise. At this point a response would do nothing but satisfy my flesh......not my intention...so I will refrain and listen.

I tend to be a very open person about my thoughts and hang ups...so its a challenge for me to allow others to live in denial or bondage. I am very honest about the fact that I can be a snob....but I have a friend that calls it reverse snobbery.....I don't want to be....and once I get comfortable and get to know you....I'm really not. I just don't like to get to know people.....because of me...not them. I have a friend that is so outgoing and greets people and puts all that she has into it (I LOVE you Ms Fran:)) I so wish I had that gift and it is a challenge for me because EVERY role in my life requires that I be outgoing and introduce myself...blah blah blah.....

1. Children's Ministry Director....this is where I really should be more outgoing...and I am getting so much better...really I am. My struggle here is double fold......people often look at me crazy because of their own racial issues...so it seems when I stick my neck out there and I am extra charming ...I am still that white girl...not all.....but it just takes one to make you retreat and have to start over again the next week. The other issue is me being a woman...many people...ok...men....not any of my wonderful brothers.....but other men have issues with women in leadership roles. But if they were honest...would they really want to the leader over a group of 153 children, 25 teens,and 35 adults....I think not.

2. The wife of a Senior Chief.......so not a role I am comfortable with.....but only because of other peoples preconceived notions of what senior enlisted spouses are like. I do not feel comfortable at command functions....because I don't fit in...I feel bad and should probably be more involved....I get lectures from Obie about all that I can offer the ladies in the FRG...but I just can't put myself out there....Navy Wives have issues...that i have long outgrown. Now, you may say I am being judgemental....to which I agree.....not all wives have issues.....but the energy it takes to wade through the group to find the ones that don't is to much for me at this point. I have learned to make my friends according to their hearts and not their husbands rank. You may also say that alot of my friends are the same rank as my husband...well that's because we kind of grew up together and the ones who are new friends that are the same rank is because we are the same age and at the same stage of life. I mean come on could you see me hanging out going to the mall and the club...with my belly button pierced? This is not to say I don't have friends that are younger than me...but that's different because they were a gift to me from God...and they are my sisters....I didn't have to wade through the BS to find them...God blessed me with them.

3. The Director of the preschool...this is the role I feel most comfortable...once people realize that I am not a stuck up white chick...which takes them about 10 minutes..then the shock on their face at my down to earthness is kind of nice. I am comfortable here so ....I really don't have reservations about opening up and letting people get to know me. But they expect a woman to run a preschool...so there is no me being a female issues there. I love what I do and I can deal with being outgoing here better than other places....maybe because children are my business...my life's calling.

OK...well... I am glad this turned out to be about me and not the issue from yesterday......I will look at the beam in my own eye:)

1 comment:

Mellie said...

I definitely need to see about getting that beam out of my eye, and I thank you for my wisdom when I let my words bubble to the surface when they shouldn't have even been a thought. I appreciate you so much!