Friday, January 23, 2009

Walk it out Wednesday.....

Yes, it's Friday welcome to my kingdom:)

So, my walk with the Lord this week has been perplexing to say the least...not on His part of course, but mine:)

My old partner at the preschool called me this week. She says she misses my friendship and she says she's not mad at me....but her tone, words, and the number of times she told me that if anyone should be mad it is her tells me other wise.

Part of me wants the friendship back, but another part of me just wants to be free from it. The hard part is that she thinks that the reason I have disconnected myself is because I am mad because I had to leave in order to collect a paycheck....that's not even why I walked away and never looked back.

The real reason is because I was almost at my breaking point...I was so stressed out from not saying what needed to be said, because I would be accused of being judgemental or have her get upset because she would say, "I can't be the only one doing something wrong." The bottom line was that even though we talked about things before we started, like how we would treat our employees and how the business would be run with the highest integrity, never letting money speak louder than what was the end those things mean different things to different people and since I had no control or say over the finances I never really had a say in what happened.

This is not to say that either of us is wrong or right....we are just both right in accordance with our life experiences, our teachings, and the way we view things. I just got tired of fighting for what I thought was right...I got tired of biting my tongue, and I got tired of being a bundle of tied up muscles. I am sure she got tired of my know it all attitude and my resistance to doing what she deemed right, as well.

We both petitioned God for direction when it came down to the wire. I asked, she asked...but we got different answers...hers was stay and mine was go...that is God not me and not her. So my question is.....I say I have forgiven her, but I'm not sure if I want things repaired....I just want healing...but can there be healing without the friendship being restored?

That is where my walk has taken me this week........

1 comment:

Melissa said...

When its really in your bones..its in you...and you just can;t half do it.You have the tools as a leader, and God was just showing you that you cannot lead with your hand tied behind your back.It was / is all preparation for the bigger picture.
Great attitude in your lightened your load, and heart....and now your ears are open to allow God to speak to you about your next move.
Keep on Keepin on....Hey you still got the same liscense plate?