Perseverance...this came up this week on a forum I belong to in reference to the book of James in the Bible.....and what did I think it meant. So this was my answer......The ability to stay focused on what God has called me to do...regardless of what comes at me or how I feel....knowing that Jesus had to persevere on the cross so that I can be saved, healed, delivered, and set free from sin......even though He and His Father knew I would have to repent alot and sadly sometimes lose focus and forget how did He persevere on the cross.
So today this is what it means to me....the ability to stay focused on the fact that I will survive the next couple of months with my husband gone and my teenagers will grow up and move out someday. To remain on the path of sanity and not insantity as I work 13 hour days......I continue to press onward as I recover from a third biospy yesterday...that the next dose of Motrin is just moments away.....to not cry as I drive up Fort Weaver Rd to Walmart to buy my 16 year old daughter what she needs for the final cheerleader tryouts tomorrow...knowing that I will have to turn around and sit in all that traffic.....and listen my two middle children call me and argue about pickle jars and blankets......all while my stomach is cramping up and my head is pounding.
I am tired I want to give up ...I want to CRY...I want to eat chocolate ice cream...oh yeah I ate it all last night for dinner and then proceeded to spend the night throwing up from either the biopsy or the meds taken from the pain of the biopsy.
I cannot understand how some people can continue to withdraw from my bank when they see.....that I am exhausted...mainly my children.....want give want give.....that's all they have for me. I want just one day where they get along......that's what I tell them I want for Mothers Day every year....and they think I am kidding........hello today I would sell one of my kidney's for peace and quiet.
You may be asking yourself ...third biopsy...how did I miss the first two. Well I have been meaning to catch my blog up....but now I will have to do it, as to not keep you in suspense.....tomorrow or Saturday.