Friday, April 25, 2008

Good Bye Friend.... yesterday was the two month anniversary of my hysterectomy. It has taken me this long to find the time and energy to write this blog. I began preparing for it even before the surgery....I took pictures to share:)
When I first was told that a hysterectomy was the best option for me I said NO...I don't have time, I don't like pain, I don't have time....I have lived with it for this long....I can live with it. So I took a pass and walked away.
Well, three months later I realized that it was something I had to have done. The pain and heaviness of my monthlies was sometimes debilitating to the point where I could not get out of bed.
So I called my Doctor and we set it up. While I didn't run around and shout it from the roof top, the people I did tell always said (with sympathy) I am so sorry. My response was why? I was excited! I really have no need for a uterus, I have four children and plan on having no more...the goldfish was pushing it in my eyes! Why would I walk around in pain and suffer when I didn't have to?
You may ask where did this sudden change of heart come from...well...God. I remember laying in my bed crying because the vicoden and rioxecet where not working. I cried out to God and I suddenly knew with assurity that I was to have the hysterectomy. I had peace about the whole thing...complete peace.
God even used the hysterectomy to show me things on the spiritual side. A In January I had been asked to speak at a woman's meeting in March. In our February meeting God moved in such a powerful way (props to my sister Gina and her allowing the Spirit of God to use her) that He changes my whole message....only I didn't know to what level it had changed. I knew the topic had changed and some of the content....but not the biggest part of it. At this point I did not know I would be having the hysterectomy.
Three days later the hysterectomy was scheduled to be a week and a half before my message was to be delivered. I asked God if I should ask them to find someone else to speak....He said no you will speak and you will use the hysterectomy in your message as a example.
My topic was "Rise Above" and dealt with rising above those things that the enemy has meant to be stumbling blocks......offenses that other people have committed against you, strongholds in your life, sin, illness....ect.
God showed me and allowed me to share that sometimes in the spiritual we have these things that we struggle with and we want them to go away....but we have learned to live with it. Much like my rebellious uterus...I wanted the pain and the heaviness to go away...but I kept claiming I didn't have time and that it was alright I could live with it. But I didn't have to live with was my choice. Its the same thing with the things in our spiritual life...God can and will heal us...He can and will life the burden...but we have to make the choice to allow Him...just like I had to make the choice to allow the doctor and the surgery be vessels to heal me.
So I did speak at the woman's meeting and the only way I can explain it is that it was like an out of body experience....I felt no pain...and I stood for an hour...felt nothing. God was able to speak to me and the woman He had ordained to be there.
I had so much fun with my hysterectomy...I chose to celebrate it and not mourn. My doctor got a kick out of me...I even told him about my Eulogy which read as such:
Today we say goodbye to To a dear friend........She has been with me since birth and we have always been close.....She was there for me as I carried my four....might I add very large babies....7.13, 9.1, 8.1, and 10.1 pound babies. She cooperated with the Lord as he allowed me to get pregnant 4 times...something my current doctor is saying is a miracle.....She stood by me as I swung from one mood to the other...whether it was her fault or not...Even though she caused me great pain and suffering most of my adult life....cramps, bloating...the whole nine yards she served her family well......Tomorrow I say goodbye to my uterus.........Urmaline....may she rest in peace....As her passing allows me to ......go shopping for cute panties stay away from pamprin, motrin, kotex, always and all those cliquish free from pain and suffering....AND hopefully she will weigh in somewhere around 2 pounds to put me that much closer to my weight loss goal.........May she rest in peace..................
I made Mellie take pictures of me in the commissary for the last time in the Woman's Hygiene isle (much to my daughters horror...but Mellie and I laughed soooo hard...laughter is excellent medicine)......


Anonymous said...

Only this lady would be in the isle pointing at maxi pads, you got to lover her. That's why I do her rawness is soooo funny. I love you Jill.. Terrie

Mellie said...

I was so excited for you when you made that decision to have surgery! And I thoroughly enjoyed traumatizing your daughter in the commissary. I admit that your message that Saturday wasn't one I wanted to hear - hello, you were basically saying I had the power to release all the things in my life that were jacked up - and I'd been living with them too long, they were my friends. sometimes the things we NEED to hear aren't what we WANT to hear, but I'm so glad you that I was there to hear the message God gave you. You are true blessing.

Anonymous said...

No faking here, Maxi pad and all.