Wednesday, August 28, 2013

I Have Gone Gangster!

Being the parent of teenagers is not a job for those weak at heart.  Your constant battle to ensure that they are making good life choices, while dealing with their evolving need to discover who they are a part from you, their parents, and the influence of their peers and society can exhaust you mentally and physically. 

Last night my youngest son accused me of bribery, because I reminded him that his attitude is directly linked to the purchase and delivery of the extra football equipment he desired.  He chooses to see my rewarding his good behavior as bribery, which tells me that without the rewards the behavior would be less than desirable. As I lay there trying to fall asleep, fuming that he just doesn’t get it, and pissed at his attitude concerning the direct linkage of attitude to rewards I went off the beaten path a bit. I began to think of famous mobsters and how my son would feel if I was a real old school mobster using bribery to exhort the behavior I wanted from him.

Being the history dork that I am I got up this morning and began Googling famous mobsters, and I stumbled upon a site that broke them down by geographical regions and cities.  So, with Rick being stationed on the USS Chicago my first stop was Chicago and boy did I hit the jackpot!  Chicago is where the world famous Al Capone ruled and raised havoc.

Capone is credited with being the smuggling and bootlegging of liquor during prohibition.  While I can’t honestly say that I have any bootlegging qualities I was drawn to Capone’s wide spread influence and ability to know what is going on in all areas of his territory, while never leaving his headquarters. Capone had moles which reported the goings on in the city to him. Although no conviction was ever made Capone was credited with the Saint Valentines Day Massacre in which several famous mobsters were shot down execution style in broad day light in the Lincoln Park neighborhood of the North Side of Chicago on Valentines Day in 1929.  Now, I chose to focus on the method behind the shooting rather than the actual violence.  You see, Capone’s men set up a look out or stake out if you will across the street from a warehouse to monitor their rivals activities. This allowed them to know what was going on with their rivals and coordinate the massacre.  This is what I would like to focus on, my ability to monitor and coordinate the shut down of any activity in the lives of my children that is undesirable.   While I wouldn’t call them moles or informants but living on a small military base in Guam and working for MWR and being married to a Chief of the Boat on the waterfront allows be to be in a position to gather information on what, where, and when my children are doing something.  Most often I do not have to solicit this information and it falls into my lap, allowing me to have a clear picture of what is going on with my children.  This also gives me an opportunity to ensure that those who have contact or influence over my children during the day are aware of my expectations.  Have I also mentioned that I can see Guam High from my office window and that several of the faculty and staff at the high school have children at my center?  Yes, I know all that happens with my children in Guam.  This influence also extends across the Pacific to my daughters, where there truly may be some type of mafia network involved, which will remain undiscussed to protect the innocent. Yes, I know what is going on over there in the land of Aloha; just call it the Capone in my history.

However, there was another mobster that I found to be more to my liking simply because he was smarter and less violent that the famous Capone. Fellow mobster Ricca said this of him, “"Accardo had more brains for breakfast than Capone had in a lifetime." Because of his wisdom, ability to stay under the radar, and even tempered personality he did minimal jail time and lived a much longer life than Capone. This would be Tony Accardo, known as Antonino or Joe Batters. Antonino rose from a petty thief to be Outfit Authority in 1972.  He is credited with saving Capone’s life more than once and is said to have taken part in the Saint Valentines Day massacre.  In his personal life he married and remained ever faithful to a Polish American girl and his grandson is Eric Kumerow who was drafted to NFL, these things right here endeared me to him, but his calm low profile and ability to get the job done were the real draw for me.

Known for his extortion abilities Antonino was able to make people do what he wanted.  This is the ability that I most desire and not for my own gain or evil purposes.  I don’t want this ability to rule the world or take things from others that do not belong to me, no; I want this ability to make my children make good choices, do what is asked of them the first time I ask and without any lip. 

And I use the opposite leverage than my pal Antonino used, I use positive reinforcement rather than the negative of broken knee caps.  I offer the land of milk and honey so to speak.  I offer the extra gifts and things that my children want.  The color coded gloves, cleats, socks, and extra football paraphernalia.  The extra cash to go to the movies, the extra cash to go to the mall, the extra electronic device, the things they don’t have to have, but seem to want.  This is what I offer for those who wish to fall prey to my extortion, those who wish to listen to my words the first time they come out of my mouth, for those who do what needs to be done before I ask, for those who are brave enough to clean up after themselves. I offer these things to the few, the proud, and the brave. I offer a life with no nagging or threats, a life without constant reminders to flush the damn toilet and to stop calling your brother names.  I offer the Mary Poppins of extortion to my children and they refuse the offer I have made and to me it’s an offer they can’t refuse.

According to, the definition that fits my type of bribery is the second version of the noun bribe which is, “anything given or serving to persuade or induce.” Now there is a first version which is the version my son implies that I am subjecting him to which is used to persuade the corruption of an individual, however, the version applicable to my form is the one which desires to persuade my children to make positive life choices.  So call me one who bribes son…I am in good company! 

Now….I just need a good mobster name….

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